You've been in Thailand too long when:
You think it’s normal to have a beer at 8:00 a.m.
You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.
You look four ways before crossing a one way street.
You put salt and chilli on your fruit
A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet.
You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.
All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.
There are footprints on your toilet seat.
You can’t remember the last time you wore a suit and tie.
You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire.
You aren’t surprised when the girl next to you in a bar eats beetles as a snack.
You haven’t had a solid stool for five years.
You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.
You think white wine goes well with Som Tam.
You ask for more chillies in your Tom Yam.
You understand when your Thai wife says, ‘Same, same, but different.’
You realise that your Thai wife’s loyalties belong to: in order
1. Her parents.
2. Her kid(s) from a previous marriage to a Thai scoundrel who deserted her.
3. Any remaining blood relatives.
4. The family buffalo.
5. The family goldfish.
You consider your mobile phone a fashion accessory.
You start wearing slippers everywhere
You start driving cars barefeet
You no longer enjoy Songkran. Instead, you stay home with a stack of video discs.
You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewellery.
When driving a car you use every free inch of the road.
You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.
It’s two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside.
You think a calendar is more useful than a watch.
You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus.
Many years ago, my wife wished to learn to drive. I advised her that (in my experience) she would need a provisional licence or some kind of written permission to drive on the road.
We duly approached the Surin Licence Office who informed her that she could not have a licence to drive on the road until she had passed a driving test. "So how do I learn to drive then?" "Up to you but we cannot issue a licence until you have passed the test".
|I was not happy with this
situation so suggested we enquire at the Police Station.|
There were two constables at the enquiry desk and the conversation went something like this:
Wife: "I want to learn to drive but the licence office will not issue a licence until I have passed a test"
Constable (1): "That is correct, you cannot obtain a driving licence until you have passed a driving test"
Wife: "So how do I learn to drive then?"
Constable (1): "Don't go near any other cars"
Constable (2): "What if she is stopped by the police?"
Constable (1): "Good point. Don't go near any police either!"
|The Fish Tank (Funny
things Thai Girls Say)|
My wife was on the telephone booking hotel rooms for us and another couple. During the conversation she asked me whether we wanted fish in the room as it would be Bht 50.00 extra per night.
"No, I don't want fish in the room" (Imagining a brightly lit aquarium bubbling all through the night).
My wife duly informed the receptionist that we would not require fish in the room.
Later that day, I informed the other couple that we had booked the rooms but we did not have the ones with fish in them. If they wanted fish in their room, then we could change the booking.
My wife interrupted and said "what are you talking about fish for?" I explained and received the response "No, not fish; 'fish' in the room. Where you keep the beer!"
I hadn't realised that she could not pronounce "fridge" correctly.
things Thai Girls Say)|
My wife was cleaning one day and asked the question "Where does the Dutch come from?"
"Netherlands" I says.
"No, the Dutch"
"Holland" I says.
"No, the Dutch on the furniture!"
(Funny things Thai girls say)|
A friend took his wife to a up market retaurant and asked what she wanted to eat.
She said: "I'll have chicken."
"Yes, same chicken but duck."
"So you want duck?"
(Funny things Thai girls say)|
My wife was telling me one day that there was a movie on TV that evening that she wanted to watch : "Rah Rah Cough". I told her that I'd never heard of the movie and said I'd look it up in the UBC magazine. I eventually realised what she was trying to say when she pointed to 'Lara Croft, Tomb Raider'.
things Thai girls do)|
One morning I heard my wife muttering and complaining in the bedroom. In response to my question she said "I cannot get back to sleep".
Apparently she had had a dream in which she'd ordered food, it had arrived and been paid for but then she'd woken up. She was desperate to get back to sleep so she could eat it!
Delicatescence (Funny things Thai girls say)
My wife recently learnt a new English word - "delly shit". Took me a while to determine whether she was making a comment about food from the delicatescence or what. I eventually realised that she was attempting to say "delicious".
Snooker (Funny things Thai girls say)
A group of us play snooker at a local hotel quite regularly and generally were allocated the same attendent. One day, a Geordie visitor was attempting to teach her some English (a joke in itself). He picked up the rest and asked her if she knew what it was called in English. "Sirry stick" she replied immediately.
She'd picked up the word that we always used for the rest.
Yorky's Day Out (As faithfully recorded by an eye witness - who shall remain nameless)
Having arrived at Trond's Suan Loong Daeng Farm Stay for the much heralded Ubon BBQ, we settled down in the lavish bar for a long awaited cold beer.
There we were, a group of farangs and Thais, blissfully chatting away and supping our beer, when I heard the whispering going on around the bar. "Oh no, Yorky's here" or to be more precise "OH BLOODY HELL NO, YORKY'S HERE!". Having read on Thai Visa of the infamous Yorky's many exploits, I was determined to keep some distance between him and my "hi-so" Thai wife. I subsequently began a search of the premisses in order to locate and avoid him. Without drawing attention to myself, I looked under every table which I understood to be his favourite position in the Farang Connection. Finding nothing, I returned to my table and continued chatting and supping merrily with my new farang and Thai aquaintances.
You will imagine, dear reader, my surprise and consternation when I discovered the farang sitting opposite me, who had been waxing lyrical all evening about property prices in the UK, used car prices in Thailand and other important issues, was none other that Yorky himself. Apart from his distinct Spike Milligan visage, i.e. small mean beady eyes and unshaven stubble, I had not a clue. He had been sitting UPRIGHT at the table supping his Chang in a most dignified manner. Clearly this man had been much maligned. thought I.
After a not inconsiderable number of Chang beers, the said Yorky calls it a day. First. however, he decides to visit the toilet, which is in sight and easy reach of our table. Tottering somewhat but upright, Yorky goes forth and then disappears. Dear readers, it was a strange and erie sight to behold. I myself thought of alien abduction, time warp or maybe he had beamed himself to the Farang Connection. The fact is, one minute he was there and the next he was gone.
The assembled farangs, though deeply concerned and mystified by this strange encounter, continued steadfastly to sup their beers. It was some time before we saw the remains of Yorky lying prostrate in one of Trond's antique buffalo carts, one leg at a distinct right angle pointing to the heavens, not unlike the hand of God. As Yorky was hauled away with great ceremony, we farangs, whilst expressing great concern, ordered more beer and continued supping into the wee small hours.
Next morning we went to the bar for breakfast to be greeted by Yorky, who had risen, Lazarus like, and had made his way to the bar. "Deep joy", we cried. He then explained the mysterious events of the preceeding evening. On making his way to the toilet, he had felt the uncanny urge to perform a couple of double Lutz's. Having performed one perfect (according to him) double Lutz, he was then struck down with an attack of deadleg, an afliction he had contracted on one of his many tropical adventures, and as a consequence, fell into the undergrowth.
This explanation was confirmed in part by Gerry, a farang sitting next to me, who explained that he had seen one double Lutz but could only give Yorky 2 points for technical ability and nil point for artistic interpretation, which he said was shite. Anyway, Yorky assured us that all was now well, then declared that the drinks were on him. So we continued to sup our beers and everyone agreed that the Ubon BBQ had been a really great day.
Reprinted by kind permission of Pish 'Ead Pute (Oooops, what a giveaway)
Keys (Funny things Thai girls do)
The other day, my wife was leaving the house before I was due to return and I didn't have my keys. She decided to hide the keys outside and proceded to put a note on the door explaining where she'd hidden them.
Cleaning (Funny things Thai girls do)
One time my wife was visiting her family for a couple of weeks so I asked a girl friend of ours if she could do a couple of mornings a week cleaning the house and ironing shirts. She duly arrived the following day (Friday). She came back on the Saturday for the second day.
Bad Luck/Good Luck (Funny things Thais do)
Thais are very superstitious, such as; it's unlucky to have your haircut on a Wednesday; it's unlucky to be cremated on a Thirsday (although by that time I would think your luck has run out).
Anyway, we were buying a new pick-up and I made my decision on a Friday. I asked if they could carry out the pre-delivery inspection over the weekend in order that I may collect it on the Monday. The salesman asked my wife if she'd checked that the Monday was a lucky day for us to buy a pick-up. She told the salesman that any day that a Yorky was parting with that kind of money , was not a good day!
|Images of the Isaan Region.|
|Gallery of cloud formations and sunsets/sun rises.|
|Take a trip around Surin's markets (with pictures).|
|Pictures and Videos of the local Sing-a-Song Girls.|
|The history in pictures of building a house in Surin.|
|Pictures of the World Famous Elephant Round-up.|
|The Surinvej Traditional Thai Massage.|
|The Thai New Year in Pictures. (2007, 2008 and 2009)|
|What to expect when facing local drivers.|